WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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