she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Randomize