so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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