How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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