I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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