Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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