I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize