And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
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why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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