everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
What a dumb baby whore.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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