Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
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in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
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I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
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