Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
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My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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