He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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