She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize