My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
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