we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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