I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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