oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
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You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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