I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
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