Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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