Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize