I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
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By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
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You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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