Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
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halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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