I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
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GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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