So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize