We're facebook friends in real life
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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