hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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