Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize