I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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