All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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