woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
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they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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