i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
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I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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