Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize