he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize