his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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