That's intense
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
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he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
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there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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