And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize