There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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