woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
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