Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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