I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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