Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
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I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
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