Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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