Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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