She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
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just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
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