Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
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While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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