apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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