I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize