We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
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can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
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Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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