Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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