I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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